Comedian, author (A Year in the Life of Ike Avelli… and It Ain’t Pretty), and actor (Modest Male Exposure 2: I Dream of Genes, Drag to Death) Ike Avelli doesn’t just DO comedy!  He IS comedy, bee-atches!  Since 2013, Mr. Avelli has written, produced, and starred in 14 original shows with such titillating names as I’ve Slept My Way To The Top….Twice (2013), I Thought I Would Be Dead By Now (2016), Lube: A Gay-sical (2019), and Bitter Betty’s (2023) in different cities to sold-out crowds.  Ike’s most recent accolades have been being nominated at the 2023 Glam Awards with 50 Shades of Gay for “Best Cabaret Show” and at the 2024 19th Annual Peoples Choice Podcast Awards for Loose Lips.

Ike Avelli has something a lot of performers would envy: a very loyal group of fans who never miss any of his performances.  Avelli’s holiday-themed variety shows, such as the most recent one at Manhattan nightclub The Copa (which is mentioned in his song It’s Christmas Night) have indeed become major events in New York City.  It was indeed the right time, then, for Mr. Avelli to give his audience the gift that keeps on giving. (No, not THAT one…)  Ike Avelli has released his Christmas-themed EP named (Get ready…!) Christmas Ho.  Those aforementioned loyal Ike fans have probably heard the title track in his holiday shows, and it’s always a crowd-pleaser.  Of course, Mr. Avelli is not the first artist who has written a naughty Christmas song; There are certainly enough Yuletide-themed dirty ditties already.  But how could you not love lyrics like these?:

“Christmas time is here, Lots of wine and beer;

Watching all your credit cards, Get torn by the end of the year!”

(But wait… there’s more!)
“Legs up in the air, Cat calls everywhere;

Olden boys and ancient toys, Sugar daddies paying for your rear!”

The lyrics only get raunchier from there… but in the spirit of any good stripper writer, I won’t give it ALL away too soon…
Dirty lyrics aside, Ike Avelli’s Christmas EP deserves to be a part of everyone’s holiday collection.  Some of these songs, such as It’s Christmas Night are bona fide bangers, while others such as He Had Me at Mistletoe provide some sugary ribbon candy for the soul. One thing’s for sure: Unlike some holiday classics that will put you into a coma when combined with some strong egg nog, Christmas Ho will make you want to party– whether it’s grooving around the Christmas tree or in Santa’s bedroom trying to make your way onto the “Naughty” list via the backdoor.  But back to You’re Not Here On (Christmas Day), the first track.  Despite the bouncy tone and cheery delivery (accented by background vocals by Ike’s fellow singers Cecilē Williams and Tym Moss), a closer listen to the bittersweet lyrics will reveal that the song was actually written about a dearly departed loved one:.  

“Carolers are singing, church bells are ringing, Santa Claus is on his way;

 It doesn’t feel the same, when I call  your name, You’re not here on Christmas Day.”

Hark the herald angels sing, their lucky to have you;

Dancing up in heaven; hoping I’ll be there too.” 

 If Christmas Ho the song and You’re Not Here On (Christmas Day) offer playful takes on Christmas music, then Wreath on Their Ping reinvents the genre altogether.  The perfect music for a  holiday themed orgy pansexual play party, it’s unapologetically sexy with a dark, probing vibe (with Avelli’s vocal delivery to match…) and an aura that’s evokes perhaps just a touch of danger.  Rihanna and Lana Del Rey would be proud.  And, again, those lyrics…!:

“My ass, be poppin, Santa is happy, Shows me his big sack, I sit on his lappy;

You like my ass? Good. No receipt. You like me? I know it, Pay for me, you own this…”

(Did someone turn on the fireplace?!)

As mentioned before, It’s Christmas Night is an all-out banger.  A should-be Christmas classic, audiences love to join in (meaning, sing along and clap-along) with the catchy bridge: “Oh, it’s Christmas night! The lights will be twinkling bright!” If this catchy number doesn’t get you into the Christmas spirit, then there’s truly no hope for your black soul! 

Ike Avelli’s Christmas Ho is recommended for all the gay Grinches, slutty Santas, and exhibitionist elves in your life.  You can find the music here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/ike-avelli/1781913626