That’s MISTER Woof to You!

Picture 1: The contestants
Picture 2: Mike Dreyden with winner Ryan Moller & go-go boy Ricky
Picture 3: Brandon, Nick, & Leo
Picture 4: Judges Will Clark & Torez with Mike Dreyden
Picture 5: Mike with contestants
Picture 6: JJ Mack, Judge Jonny Mack, & First Runner Up Jared
Picture 7: Ryan
Picture 8: Mike with First Runner Up Jared & Winner Ryan
Picture 9: Mike Dreyden, Will Clark, Jonny Mack, & Torez
Picture 10: Jed Ryan & tarot guru Chris G.

      On February 1st, the popular Monday night bear/cub/otter/silver fox party “Woof!” at Chelsea’s View Bar was the site for the First Annual “Mr. Woof!” Contest.  Five contestants– Ryan, Jared, Brandon, Nick, and Leo— vied for the chance to win the envied title.  Hosted by porn star and promoter Mike Dreyden, the celebrity judges were well-known men-about-town Will Clark, Torez, and Jonny Mack.  After the crowd was warmed up by go-go boy Ricky and worked up even more by contestants Nick (in a leather jockstrap) and Leo (in tight leather shorts) playing pool, DJ Joe X launched into Mickey Avalon’s “Stroke Me”, and each of the contestants had his turn on “the box”.  The three judges then asked each of the five guys a really probing question, like “Are you a top or a bottom?”  When judge Will Clark asked contestant Jared, “During sex, whose name do you frequently call out?”, his answer was… “Bruce Willis!” (Sigmund Freud, analyze that!)  The audience’s enthusiasm would determine the winner, but the volume of applause between the two hairiest guys was too close to tell.  So, the next step was a showdown dance-off between Ryan and Jared.  The winner was Ryan Moller, who was not only had the best moves but also knew how to win the crowd– making lots of eye contact and workin’ that boyish charm with the testosterone-heavy audience.  The blue jockstrap helped too.  Afterward, the newly crowned Mr. Woof 2010 told me that he was nervous about his dancing; to practice, he was “watching a lot of You Tube videos”.  When someone else asked First Runner Up Jared if he would ever show “the full monty”, he said absolutely not… even if it would have meant winning the contest.  I asked him, “Not even for charity?” The answer was still, “No!”  That’s a dirty shame… Another contestant told me that he didn’t think his pecs looked good enough in the pictures I took that night.  I told him to (1) hit the gym, and (2) remember that The First Annual Mr. Rawhide Contest is on March 12th.  Hint, hint!

     After the contest, there was a raffle for some Dominic Ford 3-D XXX videos (“I’m not in these!”, Mr. Dreyden was quick to point out.  That’s a dirty shame, again…), while DJ Joe X’s infinite playlist went on and on, featuring endless crowd-pleasers ranging from “Disco Inferno” to Duran Duran’s “The Reflex”, and guilty pleasures like Grace Jones’ “Love Is the Drug”.  (As well as Shona Laing’s lost 1987 new wave gem “Soviet Snow”.  Now here’s a DJ after my own heart!)   How hot was the night?   Mike Dreyden says of the event, “The Mr Woof! Contest was so HOT and so LOUD the neighbors called!  That’s when you know ‘its a party’!”  The neighbors called?  Maybe these bitchy queens were just upset that the rowdiness of Woof! was interrupting their season premiere of “RuPaul’s Drag Race”  For the last time, that’s a dirty shame!…

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