Big girls, you are beautiful! Granted, the bearded drag queens of “Fat F***ing Queen“ are more in the spirit of the fabulous Cockettes from the ‘70’s than so-called “high” drag. Put another way, the newest show by The Boys of BEAR-lesque (They are: JD, Sunshine, Sparkle, CJ, and Jay) was not just a “drag show”–it was a bountiful feast of a mod genderfuck explosion. After warming up the audience with “Macho Man” (a song that still gets my nuts rumbling after all these years), the show opened with the Boys doing a tribute to Madonna… a tribute most assuredly like no other. The guys paid homage to Madge in a few of her assorted reinventions: CJ as Madonna-in-black-lace from “Lucky Star”… JD doing Maddy-as-Marie Antoinette a la her “Vogue” performance at the 1990 MTV Video Music Awards… Sparkle as Madonna in one of her androgynous phases. From my experience through the years, I can undisputedly say that Madonna’s most crowd-pleasing song is “Like A Prayer” … and that hit wasn’t left out either. OK, OK, maybe you won’t mistake any of these guys for the ex-Mrs. Ritchie if you saw one of them walking down the street, but the sight of BEAR-lesque boy Jay coming on stage with his cone-shaped bra is worth the price of admission alone. Sparkle Southerland, the lone “lady” among these burly guys, announced, “Every faggot in the room should be happy… we just did eleven minutes of Madonna!” She’s right, of course. One of the songs in those 11 minutes was “Causin’ A Commotion”, which pretty much described the tone of the night. The Snookie in me kind of wanted to see all the Madonnas start a fight with each other… but then again, Madonna dissing Madonna would be kind of silly, wouldn’t it?
This was the seventh incarnation of JD Leggett’s The Boys of BEAR-lesque, with proceeds for the night going to The Ali Forney Center, an organization which provides services for homeless GLBT youth. If seven is a lucky number, then it’s the audience who got lucky that night! Let‘s just say that with a few drinks, the Boys‘ “All That Jazz”– featuring Sunshine, JD, and CJ in brunette wigs and black lace– was guaranteed to get the straight guys (or “sorta straight” guys) rubbing their crotches… or at least questioning any deviant feelings that might be lurking in their brains. Sunshine and Sparkle played Big Barbie and Lesbian Ken for the campy 1997 hit “Barbie Girl”. And all the boys got their chance to shine on their own. As Titian-haired, plus-sized lingerie-clad diva “Tiffany” (Remember the straight guys rubbing their crotches I spoke about earlier?), CJ performed to Marilyn Manson’s simmer-and-seethe version of the ’80’s hit “Tainted Love”. (Trivia: What was the other ‘80’s hit that Manson re-did? The answer’s at the bottom…) Jay, in his BEAR-lesque debut, performed one of Tina Turner’s most underappreciated tunes, “Nutbush City Limits”. Not to be outdone, JD proved to be a very Gleeful “Sweet Transvestite”. At the risk of getting a load of angry e-mails from all the Gleeks out there, I have to say the new version is admirable… but I can’t forgive them for changing the lyric from “Transsexual Transylvania” to “Sensational Transylvania“? Arrgh! Sparkle appeared several times in “boy drag“ (Remember the genderfucking I spoke of earlier?), including as a leatherboy and as the butchest construction worker since the Village People (If you don’t get the irony in that, I can’t help you… ).
The night also featured the Boys of BEAR-lesque’s tradition of their amateur contest. The one who gave the best lap dance to Heriberto (Mr. Metrocub 2011) won the prize. There was also a Special Guest Appearance by the biggest bear of them all, Mr. International Grizzly 2010 George Hains. George started out with Patsy Cline’s “Crazy” and segued into Britney’s version. As you may have guessed by now, “Crazy” may as well have been the theme song for the night. This was a night that, after all, included a spoof of “The Golden Girls” (You can guess which Boy played which Girl…), a cheerleading routine that brings new meaning to “Bring it On”, and a musical menage a trois between JD, CJ, and Sparkle (to “Two Ladies“ from “Cabaret“.)! Technical difficulties aside (specifically, a lost contact lens…) the night was bountiful all-you-can-eat feast of drag delicacies. The finale? I couldn’t pick a better closing number than something from “Hairspray”… which is enough to make us all want to shout “Mama, I’m a big girl now!”
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(Answer to trivia: Marilyn Manson also did a cover of the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams [Are Made of This]” in 1996.)