How do you get millions of gay men to start watching the Super Bowl? First, recruit the reigning Queen Mother of the Gays (Sorry, Ms. Gaga, but Madge WAS there first, after all…) to perform at the halftime show. Second, amidst all the hetero hijinks, offer a plea for tolerance by having an anti-bullying PSA by GLSEN (The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network) featuring Jared Dudley and Grant Hill of The Phoenix Suns. Third, get one of the world’s most wanted men to parade around in his underwear for one of those much-anticipated Super Bowl commercials.

David Beckham, who apparently knows the RIGHT way to strut down the border between sports star and sex symbol, modeled Armani briefs back in 2009. But the soccer icon wasn’t content to just walk the runway with someone else’s name branded on his presumably tight butt… uh, make that “someone else’s BRAND name” on his presumably tight butt. Mr. Beckham has just launched his own underwear line, created for H&M. During the publicity interviews, the inked and ripped Brit titillated his legions of admirers by telling the UK’s “Daily Mirror” that he has never had to use his soccer socks for anything other than as socks. For those of you who didn’t get that coded reference, I’ll be blunt: He doesn’t need to stuff his undies for photos. Beckham said, “I’ve never had to for any of the photo shoots I’ve done because hopefully, I don’t need to. Well, let’s just say I’ve been told I don’t need any help in that department. I think I’m pretty OK!” To further add to all the dirty thoughts running through your head, Beckham also admitted that he used to regularly walk around his house buck nekked… but that he has started covering his twin soccer balls since the birth of his daughter Harper six months ago. He states, “My naked days are over. I definitely walk around the house in my underwear. But not naked. With the boys it’s not a problem because they’re naked all the time but with a little girl now, it is different.” (Sigh!)

The Beckham undies, just released to H&M this week, go for $12.95 a brief, or $14.95 a boxer brief (with buttons), boxer short, or “trunk” (square cut). “Vests” (tank tops) and tees are also in the store, also at $14.95 each; and long johns, sleep pants, and Henley shirts are also available at $29.95… The styles are basic, right down to the colors (black, white, and occasionally grey.) And, the prices are indeed reasonable…although across the aisle in the Men’s section, you can find a similar H&M tank for about $6.95. Nevertheless, a lot of Beckham groupies would pay the price for that fabulous Beckham shopping bag alone. So, how does the Beckham body wear… ahem, “measure up“? The cotton and spandex blend is comfortable enough. But be warned, the sizes run pretty small– perhaps because of the European influence. The briefs, boxer briefs, and square cuts run a bit tight in the booty… so guys with too much “junk in the trunk” may have to invest in the next size up. Luckily, there is a moderate amount of extra room in the front, so the more gifted among us will not have to, shall we say, “bend it like Beckham” to fit into their bottoms.

Oh, but back to the Super Bowl.  Balls?  Balls? Did somebody say “balls”?!

One comment

  1. Really love the humor, Jed. Any way this story could be updated for this Sunday’s Super Bowl. I know guys watch this for the butt and crotch shots and the commercials, but along with the Oscars and Tonys, it is one time each year that gay men can celebrate their love of contact sport beyond the sofa and bedroom.


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