Did someone ask for a “satanic mechanic”?!
Meet Stan, the auto technician who can do more than just fill up your thirsty gas tank or give the best lube job in town. He’s hot! He’s hairy! He’s homosexual! And… he’s your horror host with an affinity for all kinds of scary movies, from the ultra-low budget public domain schlock to the ultra-high concept big studio productions. Since his first
appearance reincarnation in 2020, horror fans have watched Stan on HereTV, Vimeo, Roku, and YouTube. The hirsute host invites viewers to join him in his garage to watch everything from the 1959 Vincent Price/Agnes Morehead classic The Bat (It’s worth the 138 minute running time just to hear Stan say “More-head”! or declare, “A dude’s BAT is where it’s at!“) to the genuinely strange 2: Voodoo Academy from 2012. During the movie, Stan tells jokes, offers movie trivia, banters with his assistants (of course!) Brad (Mason Kelso) and Janet (Summer Moran), and Turtle-waxes poetic on everything we love about the thriller/chiller genre.
Underneath the blue overalls and that sexy scent of exhaust fumes and motor oil, Stan is New York City writer/comedian/actor John A. Hernandez. Hernandez is the creator, writer, and co-executive producer of Stan The Mechanic. A self-proclaimed “child of the 80’s” who is “the exact same age as Buffy”, Stan’s alter ego regularly writes about all things horror, with some of his columns being “The Top 5 Bears in Horror” and “Stan Goes To Camp”. It’s no surprise that Hernandez calls 1978’s Halloween his favorite movie of all time…
Speaking of Halloween, it couldn’t be a better time to catch up with Stan the Mechanic! Satan’s favorite horror host took the time to speak to Lavender After Dark’s Jed Ryan about the three S’s: Satan, slashers, and the supernatural…
JR: Hello Stan. Thank you for speaking with me.
STM: Seasons Fearings Jed!!!! Its my pleasure, though I’m slightly bummed out you didn’t make this into an ‘In Bed with Jed’ interview. Maybe next time!
JR: (Laughs) As soon as we finish re-decorating, you’ve got a date. I live in one of those creepy old New York City apartments. Think “Rosemary’s Baby”. We finally took off down the medicine chest from the previous owners and we found that there was our own private gateway to Hell underneath! Who knew?! So, Stan, are you expecting any trick- or- treaters to the garage this Halloween?
STM: As far as trick or treaters, I hope the hell not! I don’t know if you saw my Halloween special on HereTV last year but those little bastards downright attacked me! I mean sure I only had apples to give out, but its better than nothing! I’ll be ready for them this year though.
JR: (Laughs) Be afraid, kids! Be VERY afraid! What’s the biggest misconception about Stan? Does part of you want to say, “Hey I may be a Satanic mechanic, but I’m really a nice guy!”
STM: Oh my Lucifer! Yes! You hit it right on the head. I’m more mischievous than evil. I cut brake lines and cause traffic jams; shit like that! I don’t like eat souls or anything, not in my paygrade. I just put people in situations and then encourage them to sin. It’s a lot of fun and I’m totally sweet when you take the time to get to know me.
JR: No doubt! One of the movies you highlight in your show is Scream Bloody Murder from 1974. Here’s an interesting piece of trivia: I actually owned this movie in one of those big box VHS cases. And yes, they used the word “gorenography” on the cover just like you mentioned. Who could resist buying it? Is this movie “so bad it’s good”, or is it just “bad”?
STM: I think this a movie that is “so bad its good”! Way over the top, super campy! It’s about a boy who wants his mother all to himself. In fact, he’d kill to keep it that way. Sound familiar? This is like the B-movie shlock version of Psycho but I love it! And we have a lot of fun with it in the show.
JR: I noticed! That said, what are some of you’re favorite “so bad they’re good” horror movies? Mine is The Wasp Woman from 1959.
STM: Oh wow there’s a ton of them! What immediately springs to mind is Plan 9 From Outer Space starring my horror host mother, Vampira. She delivers no lines at all in this movie but she’s so captivating to watch. Another one I’d suggest is The Killer Shrews. Its awful, but wonderful too! They use dogs as doubles for the mutant shrews and they are just so damn cute!!
JR: I’ll have to put that on my list! The review I read for Scream Bloody Murder a long time ago questioned why the mother looked like Susan B. Anthony! (Laughs) It’s too bad the stepfather had to die. He was hot in a kind of greasy way. But that claw-handed kid was outright EVIL, even murdering an innocent dog! But I guess you’d be psychotic too if you had to wear that awful wig the whole movie… So, another film you explore is The Bat. Speaking of bats, I know you have things to say about vampires! Not as cool as demons, huh?!
STM: Ah yes. The Bat is a movie about another claw-handed killer if you can believe that! Only this one stars Vincent Price and Agnes Morehead. I thought it was gonna be about vampires but I’m so glad its not because they are definitely not as cool as demons. They are the literal equivalent of mosquitos in the supernatural world. Gross! Plus they will literally put anything in their mouth. I’m much more choosey.
JR: (Laughs) Wish I could say the same! A movie that they always play during Halloween season is Christine from 1983. As a mechanic, have you ever encountered a possessed car?
STM: Many! We host horror movies at the workshop but mainly I’m there along with my assistants Brad and Janet to service the automobiles of the supernatural community. I just had a run in with Christine last week at Monster Mania. The old girl is holding up well. But yeah, there’s loads of possessed cars coming through the shop. You’d be surprised how many people curse each other’s vehicles with evil spirits as a form of revenge. I once had a car in the shop whose spirit cranked up the seat warmers so high that it gave Mr. Karloff a second degree burn on his taint! Scary stuff out there!
JR: Ouch! I feel his pain! So…I recently went to a horror convention– in Connecticut, of all places– and I must say, there was a LOT of eye candy there! What is it about horror movies that always attracts the cute guys?
STM: Lack of sunlight! Creatures like us who love horror and the macabre stay out of the sunlight in favor of cool dark living spaces to consume our favorite media. Our skin is much healthier and less damaged!
JR: Agreed! I’m a firm believer that life doesn’t really start until after the sun goes down! That said, has any guy been, shall we say, “relieving Stan’s tensions” lately?!
STM: Well, I’ve been playing the ninth ring kinda fiercely… I’m not gonna lie! Me and Beelzebub have had a long “on again, off again” situation. We’re currently very much “on”…I can barely walk.
JR: Quick, somebody think of a word that rhymes with “demon”! Oh my, I just thought of one! (Laughs) Anything else you’d like to tell the masses?
STM: I’d like to wish everyone a very Happy Halloween and invite all you creatures of the night to check out new episodes of my show streaming now on www.stanthemechanic.com. I also have links there to articles I have written, my blog, and older episodes. So please come and join me at my workshop sometime where your bumper won’t be the only thing being waxed!
JR: You got it, Stan! Thanks for speaking with me!
You can see much more of Stan The Mechanic at www.StanTheMechanic.com!
(Photos of Stan by Catalin Stelian-Shanks.)