Public relations guru Andrea Alton is one of the hardest working people in New York City’s faced-paced, 24/7 entertainment scene.  But on occasion, lucky audience members get the chance to see Alton’s alter ego, Molly “Equality” Dykeman, come out to play!  Lovingly yet aptly described as “Everyone’s favorite train wreck!“, Molly “Equality” Dykeman brought her raucous one-woman show to New York City’s famous Stonewall Inn on Saturday, March 14th. Molly’s new piece (Sorry to get so informal so quickly, but “Ms. ‘Equality’ Dykeman” is just a tad too cumbersome…) is named Bushes Are Bloomin’.  That’s also the name of one of her poems– a poem, by the way, which is dedicated to the eternal beauty of women’s pubic hair. (And you thought it was about springtime? Sorry, this isn’t Hurry! It’s Lovely Up Here…!) An over-the-top cartoon character come to life in loud, blindingly bright colors, this limited edition Molly “Equality” Dykeman action figure comes complete with a fabulous mullet, an unmistakable Bronx accent, and– like the butchest Barbie doll that Mattel never made– she brings her “friends” along for the fun.  In this show, her friends were long-suffering aspiring poet Toad Todd (played by actor Allen Warnock) and drag star Pissi Myles. But more about them later…  After all, THIS public school security guard-turned-cabaret performer wouldn’t allow anyone to steal her spotlight… or her beer can, for that matter.

But just what exactly is Molly’s talent, besides dropping the F bomb and guzzling brew? She does warn us at the beginning of the show, after all, that “I gotta be honest with you.  The whole show may be a clusterfuck!”  Well, she wasn’t wrong… and in the case of this naughty 90 minutes, that’s a great thing!  Our Molly dances to Laura Bell’s hilariously campy You Can’t Pray the Gay Away, reads poetry, tells stories, and reveals her personal heroines throughout her life: her grandmother, Wilma Flintstone (who, as Molly points out, became the world’s first MILF when she gave birth to Pebbles…), Willow Smith (?), Queen Latifah, Letitia (“Tish”) James, and “Laura Lee”, the lunch lady at PS 339.  Many of Molly’s stories involve her taser-happy girlfriend Clarisse (And yes, before you ask: Clarisse WAS named after the Jodie Foster character in Silence of the Lambs.), which the audience particularly liked.

So, about those special guests: In an effort to become Molly’s “right hand gay”, Allen Warnock’s Todd was well on his way to becoming the hardest working man in showbiz.  His responsibilities included taking most of our leading lesbian’s gentle abuse, as well as bringing Molly a beer to wash down her “fun gummies”.  Then there’s the phenomenal Pissi Myles, who sings in her own voice– and very well, I might add.  This queen is VERY funny– and despite her constant jokes about being old (“I still do ‘death drops’. But not on purpose…”), she moves around the stage quite gracefully. Speaking of jokes, she couldn’t resist that one oh-so-timely and oh-so-deserved dig at her fellow blonde Erika Kirk. (Thank you for that, Miss Pissi!) Our drag doll star gave the audience Don’t Tell Mama from the eternal musical Cabaret.  She continued with an original song about, shall we say, not enough food at parties– set to the tune of Barbra’s Don’t Rain on My Parade.  It must be heard to be fully appreciated!  It’s a cliché to say that any artist “owns” the stage, but let’s just say that Pissi (Again, I don’t mean to get so informal, but “Ms. Myles” just doesn’t flow very easily…) not only OWNED that stage, but she was one step away from charging everyone at the Stonewall Inn rent.  And yes, kiddies, there WAS a Pissi Myles encore, but I won’t give it away…

You can accuse Molly “Equality” Dykeman of being a “TMI” kind of performer– but still, I legitimately want to know more: Specifically, I want to know if Ms. Alton based this larger-than-life character on a REAL person!  Bushes Are Bloomin’ was funny, more than a tad absurdist, over-the-top, and oh-so-raunchy!  Plus, any show that rips on the MTA, albeit ever so insidiously, has my vote!  Let’s hope this rising star gets the chance to strut her stuff on stage again soon.  As Molly stated in her show, “I’m like a fortune cookie.  You’ll never know what you’re gonna get!”  Be warned!